holiday greetings!

my friends, MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and the ones you hold dear!

my family had a simple celebration of the holidays. we heard mass last night, went home and had our family picture-taking. afterwards, we had our noche buena.

today, we went to power plant to watch a movie. we were supposed to have a movie marathon, but we ended up watching just one since there was so much people. we saw aishite imasu. nothing spectacular. i really wanted to see sigaw and mano po 3. the first one is out of the question... ill probably just ask some of my friends to watch it with me. the second one, we're watching tomorrow.
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i just received an email from my former officemate in LA (who now owns my old room in the apartment i used to share with my uncle and his family.) she was telling me that she feels kinda sad this christmas. it's her 2nd or 3rd christmas in the states, but she still is not getting used to it. if she had a choice, she'd really want to come home and spend christmas here. even having her boyfriend there wasn't enough.

it got me thinking, if i chose to stay there, how would i be spending my christmas? i'd be far from my family and friends. my ass would be freezing. i'd probably be working christmas day (i was actually planning to get a part-time job, apply for a seasonal hire position somewhere...) or if not, i'll lock myself up in my room... or probably catch up on my chores. sad... very sad! those thoughts make me so glad i'm home.

however, there are times that i'm wishing i stayed there. i don't know.. i guess i was really getting used to my life there. out on my own, working my ass off, earning money, paying bills... living a solitary existence... haha, exag! but you know what i mean? it was just me... all me.

i was telling my friend about this last week. he told me i'm being so fickle again. when i was there, i wanted to come home so bad. now that i'm here, i sometimes find myself wishing i was still there.

i was thinking hard about this some nights ago, and i think i know why i'm feeling like this...

right here, i'm home, i'm happy, i'm with my family and friends. i get to go out. i find myself laughing hard again (i swear, those 6 months i was there, i don't think i laughed a real laugh at all... the kind of laugh that you just can't stop, to the point that you're already holding your tummy and tears are already forming in your eyes). i have friends i could go out and have coffee and good conversations with. pero parang may kulang... sometimes, i suddenly feel sad and empty. and that makes me feel... weird.

when i was there, i could explain away that nagging feeling. but here? i thought that coming home will rid me of that feeling.

but it's christmas, so let's just forget that and enjoy the holidays!

again, HAVE A VERY MERRY AND BLESSED CHRISTMAS, my dears!